


10 Things Dipper Learned About Living With A Psychopathic Dorito

by creativeAmbiguity



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Light-Hearted, M/M, Mild Language, OP tries her best, Post-Series, Sibling Fluff, Triangle Bill Cipher, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-05-28 12:06:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6328468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativeAmbiguity/pseuds/creativeAmbiguity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When an ex-dream demon decides to live in your walls, you've gotta pick up a few things about dealing with him. [Discontinued. To be re-written later]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He Will Watch You Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my first multi-chaptered fics that I intend on leaving up. As long as no one finds out who I really am, I'm cool with this. Anyway, I really like the idea of Triangle!Bill Cipher just living with the Pines. Sorta like a Peridot situation. Just.. I want redemption for my dapper triangle. Give me redemption. Give me sassy triangle.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper finds a surprise lurking in the shack after his first day back.

 

“So Dippin’ Dots, how’d you like our first day back?”

The first day back at the Mystery Shack was pure bliss. Dipper and Mabel both enjoyed seeing their old friends again and the woodsy scent filled Dipper with renewed vigor.

“It was great.” He responded. “I’m just glad to be back. It feels like it has been forever since we were here.”

“Well, it has only technically been a year, but it’s been a year too long.” Mabel replied eagerly. She pulled out her scrapbook from under the bed and pulled it close to her chest. “We have a lot of catching up to do!”

Dipper chuckled, resting on his bed’s comforters. He could already feel his eyes closing. He didn’t know how Mabel still had so much energy. From unpacking to greeting his friends and catching up with the townsfolk, he personally was tired. Emotionally and physically. He turned to his sister, about to comment on how energetic she seemed, but she had already passed out on her bed, curled up around her scrapbook.

“Of course,” Dipper mumbled to himself with a smile. He reached over to his lamp and shut off the light. Tomorrow they would go mystery hunting and finally things would be back to normal. Well, as normal as Gravity Falls could get.

He contentedly hummed to himself, tucking himself under the sheets, letting his eyes close and drift off to sleep.

 

_Skitter Skitter Skitter_

Well, he would have if it didn’t sound like there was an animal running around the room. He tiredly opened his eyes and looked around to see what could be making the noise. Once he concluded that there was nothing, he shut them again.

 

_Skitter Skitter_

Dipper groaned, tossing himself to the side and pulling up his covers.

 

_Skitter Skitter THUMP! Skitter Skitter_

The boy sighed in exasperation. Turning to his side to inspect the floor, his eyes locked onto a big eye staring directly at him. At that very moment he screamed.

 

“Woah woah kid! Take it easy!”

Mabel rolled out of her bed and onto the floor. “Who’s there?! Show yourself!” She shouted, doing air karate chops. Dipper pointed onto the floor, his hands trembling and dripping with sweat. Mabel looked to where her brother was pointing and joined in his totally manly screaming.

“Well I better get out of here!”

“Oh no you don’t!” Grunkle Ford kicked the door open once more and brandished his gun. “What are you doing here, Bill Cipher?!”

Said triangle raised his hands above his little body. “Woah! Sixer, I don’t mean any harm!”

“You won’t once I’m through with you!” Grunkle Ford growled, taking aim.

“What’s all the commotion about?!” A foot kicked the door open once more and a rifle peaked through. “Is there a robber or something?! Oh no no no no! No one’s going to steal from MY shack!”

“It’s our shack, Stanley!”

“Well I took care of it longer!”

Grunkle Ford grumbled and slapped a hand on his forehead. “That doesn’t matter when there’s an interdimensional demon in our house!”

“A whats-a-whoosit?” Grunkle Stan replied, scratching his head.

“We don’t have time for this!” Ford conceded. “All I know is that there’s an isosceles nightmare standing in our-! …wait a second.” The two grunkles looked to the spot Bill Cipher formerly stood. “Where is he?”

“Um, Grunkle Ford,” Dipper mumbled weakly, pointing to a mouse hole in the wall. The triangle had scuttled over towards it and was in the process of climbing through when he turned around and saw the attention shift back to him.

“Eep!”

Both Stan and Ford shot at the triangle, but Bill slipped in the hole as soon as the bullets whizzed by. “Get back here Cipher!”

“No! You Pines are crazy!” He screeched, crawling as far as he could into the hole.

“Aarrrgh! Stanley, get me an axe!”

“Oh no no no no! No one’s going to tear apart MY shack!”

“Stanley, PLEASE-”

“Wait!” Mabel shouted. Her fighting grunkles both paused at the outburst. “Before we wreck the place, aren’t we gonna wonder why Bill Cipher isn’t dead?!”

Grunkle Ford regarded Mabel’s question for a second, his face becoming lost in thought. “I don’t know… why IS Bill Cipher still alive?” Ford walked over to the mouse hole, rubbing his chin. “The memory gun should’ve erased him, or at the very least his mind.”

“I’m out.” Grunkle Stan said. “I’m too tired to deal with this. You take care of this Ford.”

“I thought this was your shack!”

“It isn’t my shack when there’s a damn demon involved!” Stan said with a note of finality, walking out of the room and back into his own.

“Uuugh.” Ford grumbled, his hands massaging his temples. “Kids, do you mind if I spend the night in here setting up a few traps?”

“Kinda.” Dipper mumbled. “I mean, we were trying to sleep.”

“Oh, right right.” Ford mumbled. He exited the room, but before closing the door he mumbled, “best get the coffee machine up and running…”

The twins both looked at each other in confusion.

“So, bro bro…” Mabel started awkwardly, “mind filling me in on what made you scream like a girl?”

“Hey!” Dipper frowned at his sister. “What would you do if you found out that Bill freaking Cipher was running around your room?”

“Well, not scream like a total girl.” Mabel retorted with a snort. “Wait-he was running around our room?”

“I think?” Dipper mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “I just heard a lot of thumping and I was trying to see what was making all the noise.”

“Huh.” Mabel said to herself. She paused for a moment, before slipping out of her covers and hopping into Dipper’s bed.

“Mabel, what are you doing.” Dipper deadpanned.

“Well, just in case Bill decides to show up again,” Mabel said, making herself comfortable, “It’d be best if we both were awake to deal with him.”

Dipper narrowed his eyes. “Mabel, were you scared?” Mabel sputtered in response.

“Ha! No! Me? Scaared? No way!” Dipper gave Mabel a lopsided smile in return. “Even if I was, you have to admit: you were totally scared too.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dipper replied, tucking himself under his sheets once more. “G’night Mabel.”

“Night Dipper.”

As Mabel curled up against Dipper’s back, an eye peered through the small mouse hole, gazing at the scene in front of it.


	2. He Despises Dream Catchers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper finds something weird in his room again. It's Bill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks you guys. No one has ever really liked my writing before so um... yeah! I really like all the support. Thanks for reading!

The following week was filled with mystery and adventure. It was pure heaven for the Mystery Twins, who’d always look back at their adventures with fond memories, regardless of the events transpiring. However, despite being as busy as they could with exploring and solving mysteries, they eventually noticed things being misplaced around the house.

At first it was ordinary things, like the remote or Mabel’s sewing kit. Soon enough, it turned into the whole living room being rearranged or the cutlery drawer being filled with dirt and leaves. Grunkle Ford and Grunkle Stan were busy down in the lab, probably discussing the fact there was an ex-dream demon living in their walls, so they didn’t really notice these things.

But that’s all Dipper seemed to do. While he enjoyed exploring with his twin, he didn’t quite shake the feeling of being watched and thus had a lot of problems sleeping at night. Not to mention the weird rearranging of things really got to him. At the same time, he was certain it was Bill.

“Hey, broseph!” Mabel shouted. She clambered down the stairs with her hands behind her back to where Dipper sat on the couch, effectively interrupting his thoughts.

“Hm?” Dipper said, looking away from the TV.

“I got you a present!” She said, her braces shining as she flashed her teeth in a wide smile. Dipper looked at his sister curiously before scooting aside and patting the seat beside him.

“You know how you’ve been a nervous wreck? Well, more than you already are.”

“Gee, thanks Mabel.” Dipper mumbled. “I’m glad I have the love and support of my sister to help me through the day.”

“You’re welcome!” She replied so gleefully Dipper almost thought she didn’t detect the sarcasm for a moment. “And you’re gonna have even more love and support beccaaaaaaause,” she said, fumbling with the object behind her. “Drumroll please.”

Dipper rolled his eyes and drum rolled on the side of the couch. “I got you THIS!” Mabel raised the object above her head, as though she were Rafiki and it Simba.

“A… dream-catcher?”

Mabel nodded.

“And why did you get me a dream-catcher?”

“Well Dipper, I didn’t _GET_ you a dream-catcher. I _MADE_ you one!” She said. Dipper gently took it out of her hands and felt the wood beneath it. It was very well made and very Mabel. She used very colorful yarn and feathers. The patterns were intricate, even on the wood itself, and Dipper suddenly felt very proud.

“And I made you one because look at you!” She said, gesturing to his face. “You look like you haven’t slept in days!”

“Mabel, we sleep in the same room.”

“I know! And that bothers me!” Mabel retorted, raising her arms in the air for good measure. “I know you’re sleeping yet you still look like you haven’t slept! At least…” She paused for a moment before glaring at her brother. “Dipper…”

Dipper smiled sheepishly with a halfhearted shrug. “It’s just hard to stay asleep.”

“Is this because of Bill?”

Dipper tensed at the mention of his name. “Diiiipperrr,” Mabel whined, “Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been worrying my butt off!”

“It’s not just something you can offhandedly mention Mabel.” Dipper groaned, putting his hand on his face.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Mabel shrugged. “He _was_ very close to killing us. I mean, I still have nightmares about it!” She faced her brother, who was glancing down at the floor. “But he didn’t! Because we’re an awesome unbeatable team with two amazing grunkles!”

“But what if he tries to kill us again?” Dipper said almost breathlessly. “He is already living in our walls and moving all this stuff around! What if he’s trying to psyche me out or worse trying to set up some weird spell or-”

“Or what if you need to sleep?” Mabel interrupted. “Look Dipper, I made you this dream-catcher so you’d be able to rest easy. So why don’t you?” He regarded the dream-catcher in his hands for a second before he felt Mabel push him off of the couch. “Now get off! I wanna watch TV.” Dipper glared at his twin before stalking up the stairs in a huff.

He plopped on his bed, enjoying the way the bed sunk underneath him. It had been some time since he last slept. Truthfully, he hadn’t slept last night and wasn’t planning on it either. He was too far on edge on just simply relax.

“But if it’s for Mabel…” He mumbled to himself.

He thought he only closed his eyes for a brief moment, but when he opened them back again, the room was covered in a soft orange glow. He sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“That actually was pretty nice.” Dipper said to himself.

“For you at least.”

Dipper jumped at the sudden voice and let out a yelp he’d be sure to deny later. But what he saw ebbed away any anxiety he had.

Bill freaking Cipher stuck in a dream-catcher. His little black arms weren’t even tangled in the string, it was just that his whole body was seemingly stuck to the material as if pulled by a magnet or bound by glue.

“Bill?”

“The one and only.” He replied in a deadpan voice.

Dipper narrowed his eyes. “What are you doing in my dream-catcher?”

“Oh gee, I don’t know Pine Tree!” Bill said sarcastically. “I’m having a good time! Lots of fun! I’m just relaxing in this web of ABSOLUTE GARBAGE! By the way, you drool a lot.”

Dipper narrowed his eyes further. “GRUNKLE _FOOO-_ ”

“Woah woah kid! Let’s not bring old Fordsy into this.” The triangle said nervously, his eye crinkling.

“And why not? You almost killed my family AND me!” Dipper retorted, holding up the dream-catcher by a singular string.

“Pssshh. Water under the bridge! We were just having a playful fight!” Bill laughed. Dipper was sure that if Bill could move his little arms, he would be shrugging. “No harm no foul, ain’t that right Pine Tree?”

“You have until the count of three to explain why you’re in my dream-catcher before I bring to you Grunkle Ford.”

“Ugh, fine!” Bill groaned. He stared straight into Dippers eyes, sending a chill of uneasiness down his spine. “I was watching you sleep.”

“What?!” Dipper sputtered, a blush crossing his face.

“In my defense, I was trying to see if I can access your dreams! It’s not like I enjoy watching kids sleep, what do I look like, a creep?”

“Yes.”

“Wow Pine Tree. You got me right where my heart should be.” Bill snorted in amusement. “As if I HAVE one of those!”

“Ugh.” Dipper rolled his eyes. “Shouldn’t you already be able to get to them? You are a dream demon after all.” Bill looked away from Dipper sheepishly.

“Well, shouldn’t I also be able to float? Shouldn’t I also be able to hop into separate dimensions? Oh yeah, _AND SHOULDN’T I BE ABLE TO GE **T OUT OF A MEASLY DREAM-CATCHER?!**_ ” Dipper flinched at the sudden burst of anger. “Also I’m really small, which is pretty annoying. I’m just barely bigger than your small baby hands.”

Dipper guffawed. “I don’t have baby hands!”

“Suuuuuure you don’t kid. And I still have my powers!”

Dipper looked at Bill in confusion. “Wait, you don’t have your powers?”

“If I did, would I be living in your shoddy walls? Ugh, the dust just gets stuck in my eye and killing bugs all day gets BORING! You’re welcome by the way.”

Dipper placed Bill on the bed, the gears in his head obviously turning. “I don’t believe you.”

“Fine, don’t! I really don’t give a damn. Just get me out of this stupid thing! Ugh I HATE your dumb ‘Native Americans.’ Can’t give ONE tribe nightmares without them making crappy spells to ward me out!”

Dipper couldn’t help but crack a small chuckle in amusement. “Oh, you think this is funny, don’t you Pine Tree?!” Bill growled, his body flashing red. “You think my suffering is oh-so _HILARIOUS!_ ”

“Well you are really small.”

“So are you but you don’t see me laughing, chump!”

Dipper broke out into a full out laugh much to Bill’s dismay. “ **STOP LAUGHING! RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-I’LL-** ”

“You’ll what?”

Bill looked at Dipper for a second, his red shade dimming to a yellow and then a faint blue. “I’ll...” Dipper gazed at the triangle in confusion.

“Bill?”

“Fine! I won’t do anything! I CAN’T do anything! Is that what you want to hear?! Stuck in a dream-catcher, no powers, and now I’m getting laughed at by some kid! Great, just wonderful!” For the first time ever, Dipper felt a pang of sympathy for the small triangle, as hard as he tried not to.

“It’s just… I thought no one would laugh at me again once I destroyed that wretched dimension!”

“You what?”

“Nothing apparently because n **OW I’M STUCK HERE REDUCED TO A PATHETIC BEING!** ”

“I think you need to relax!” The ex-demon’s eye flitted to Dipper. “Getting angry isn’t going to help you this time bill, Bill.” Dipper scolded as he picked up the dream-catcher and cupped it in his hands once more. Bill stared straight into his eyes and for a second, Dipper felt something he didn’t think he’d ever feel for the triangle: empathy.

It must be scary to have the world at your mercy but suddenly have yourself in the mercy of the world. A power shift that big could scare anyone, even Bill Cipher, a being who has lived for countless years. With a frown, Dipper pulled Bill from the dream-catcher as though peeling tape from a wall.

“You…”

“Look Bill, I hate your guts.” Dipper said smoothly, much to both of their surprise. “But as you are now, you can’t hurt anyone. You might’ve almost killed me and my family, but you’re already getting your punishment and there’s no more reason to give you anymore.” Dipper rose from his bed, stretching. “But for now, you’re going to stay quiet while me and Mabel talk this out.”

Dipper placed Bill on his head and covered him with his hat. “Let's see what we'll do with you.”

And with that Dipper walked out of his room with a very confused triangle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh, I don't like how this chapter turned out but you can be the judge of that. I'll just sit here man. I'm cool.


	3. He Throws Temper Tantrums

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grunkle Ford flips his shit, Grunkle Stan is not impressed, the Pine Twins are confused, and Bill continues to be a complete utter mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay. I couldn't get myself to write more because a lot of writing this chapter was kind of a bore + a challenge. But, hearing your comments really got me through it. Honestly, thanks.

“He’s WHAT?!”

“Mabel, not so loud.” Dipper groaned, cringing inwardly.

“Dipper, we LITERALLY just talked about how you couldn’t sleep because of this guy!”

Said guy peaked out from under Dipper’s hat. “D’aaaaw, Pine Tree-”

“Did I say you could talk?!” Mabel shouted. The triangle let out an eep and crawled back under the hat. Mabel’s eyes then trained on Dipper, who couldn’t help but gulp. Angry Mabel was not a good Mabel.

“Bro bro, I don’t know what kind of deal you made, but we need to take him to Grunkle Ford.”

Dipper liked the sound of that less than he had before. Before he could berate himself some more for even feeling ANYTHING towards that stupid triangle, he decided to hop off of the couch.

“I would’ve taken him but I wanted to talk things out with you first. You know, to see the best course of action?”

“What else could be the best course of action?”

“Just follow me.”

The talk that ensued was brief. As Dipper told the story, Mabel’s face grew more and more impassive. It almost made Dipper nervous, but once he saw the rigidness that was once in her shoulders fade away he was assured she was actually listening. When he finished, Mabel looked at her brother with newfound concentration.

“Hand me Bill.” Mabel said. Dipper did as she said, removing the triangle from underneath his hat. Bill obviously wasn’t very happy about this, his surface turning a faint red and becoming hot to the touch. Mabel, paying no mind, then grabbed her dream-catcher.

“Wait Shooting Star, I can tell what you’re thinking!”

“And?”

“And I’m Bill Cipher! Destroyer of DIMENSIONS and WORLDS! And ya know, a Master of the MIND? I’m a BIT too dignified to be stuck in a stupid piece of wood!”

“Well first of all, you’re just a dumb triangle.” Bill flinched. “Second of all, it isn’t stupid! Its got pretty little feathers, see?” Mabel jingled them in front of the triangle. Before he could retort, Mabel went ahead and stuck him on there anyway. Bill’s pupil became a swirl as he let out a groan of discomfort at feeling his form bind to dream-catcher.

“Ugh, that **’s** some ̨s͞tr͞ **o** ng ̀m̀a͠gi̢c ͟ri̶͍̳͍g̳̭h͈̼͓̤̗ **ṭ͚̺̰̥̟̙̀h̴͍͚̠͉̭̞͢͞ȩ̘͉͔͕̝͝r҉̶̲̱̤̗͜e̻͇̰̦͚̜ ̵͚t̶҉̰̥̙̣̩̪e̷̬͢l̝̠̙͞l̛̼̣̘͎̼͘͠ ̳̖͎̣͘͜** y͏̮͓̖̹͇͟͜ǫ̘̤̖̖̺͕̀͞ **u̷̮̩̳̦ ẃ̶͡͏̣͇̬̠̫̪̩̗̳͖̖̹h͔̣̹̘͈̣̦͚̝͎̳̱̕͘à̶̧̠͈̫̖͍̮̠̲̻̻̤͠t҉̷̴͔̳̫̬̟̟̗͔̱̠̣̣̳̳̀ͅ.̦̤͉̮͉̲̠͖͈̯̬̗͙͉̫̞́͝"̵̘̮̙̺͎̙̤̟͙̬̪͓͈͟ͅ**

“Now we take him to Grunkle Ford.” Mabel said, smiling at her brother.

“Mabel,” Dipper said tentatively, feeling a bit uneasy about the state the triangle was in, “this is what I wanted to talk about. Grunkle Ford hates Bill! He was ready to tear down the Shack just to get to him. What if he overreacts?”

“Psssh! He’ll be fiiiine, Dip Dop. Besides, Soos can fix any minor… hiccups we may have. Just because he’s now a Man of Mystery doesn’t mean he can’t still be a Man of Handyman….ing.”

Dipper gave Mabel a bemused stare.

\---

“Just give him to me!” Mabel held the dream-catcher as far away from Grunkle Ford as possible. Dipper tried to wrangle back his Grunkle but his arms were failing him and he was quickly becoming tired.

“Grunkle Ford, you need to listen!” Dipper huffed.

“No, YOU need to listen! I don’t know what sort of jargon that monster told you, but he must be eliminated at ALL COSTS!”

“Hey, what’s all the fuss?” Grunkle Stan said, walking into the kitchen. He saw the table knocked over and ugh did they break that plate? Coffee spilled onto the floor and he was sure he saw Bill Cipher in a dream catcher at one point. It was hard to tell through the commotion. The twins looked at him with wide pleading eyes and Grunkle Stan sighed.

“I’ll take it from here.” He said. Dipper moved aside for a second, allowing his grunkle to slip in and place the man into a choke hold.

“Are you people crazy?! Am I the only sane one left?!”

“Stanford, you’re scaring the kids.” He said sternly. Grunkle Ford paused for a second. He looked at the twins, who were staring at him with wide eyes and fearful expressions. When he stilled, Grunkle Stan finally let go. With a flushed face, he stood up and adjusted himself.

“S-sorry for that.” He mumbled, clearing his throat. “But there isn’t any time to spare. Bill Cipher is just trouble waiting to happen. We need to get him away from them as soon as possible.” Grunkle Stan looked unimpressed. He easily walked up to Mabel and yoinked the dream-catcher from her hands.

“What do you want you one-eyed freak? Here to take over the world again? Crawl into my mind? Use Dipper as a puppet?” Grunkle Stan waited for a response, but Bill’s eye was still a swirl. He grew frustrated and tossed him back to Mabel, who barely caught him. “I think we broke him.”

“m’͟H̀oţ ̶bErr̸͞ơL̴̡r̡k̡̛͝eP̷̶̢n̷e͜M̀n͝E҉̷͞”.”

“Yeesh.”

Stanford looked at the triangle with a confused expression. He circled around Mabel, rubbing his chin before snapping his fingers in resolution. “I thought this might’ve been the case but it was just too good to be true.”

“What is it Grunkle Ford?” Dipper asked.

“He’s powerless.” Grunkle Ford said simply. “I knew that Native Americans made dream-catchers to ward him out but he was always able to resist their… energies with his own. If he’s unable to, it means he has no more energy to use.”

“Are you trying to say magic?” Mabel asked.

“Eh, if that’s what you want to call it.” Grunkle Ford mumbled. “But this poses the question: why? Is the Mindscape where he draws his power? Is that why when I wiped Stanley’s mind it didn’t kill him but maybe it instead removed the part of him that could access it?” The man paused for a second. “Then again, nothing is ever really destroyed. It is just translated into something else. Could that be it?”

Grunkle Stan looked around. “Are you guys as confused as I am?”

“No time to talk Stanley.” His twin said, putting his six-fingered hand in his face. “I need to do some things.” Stanford briskly walked to the door before turning around. “Actually Stanley I’ll need your help with this.” Grunkle Stan groaned.

“You guys are cleaning this up.” The man commanded, pointing a finger to the twins who both groaned in unison. Grunkle Ford was about to exit the room before he turned around once more. “Keep an eye on him. He’s still a wild card.” He looked at Dipper and gave a nod that said ‘I’m counting on you.’ Once the boy nodded back the two Stans left the room.

After a brief moment of silence, Mabel looked toward her brother. “See Dip Dop? Nothing to worry about!”

\---

That next morning Bill was back to normal but he refused to talk. Anytime one of the twins looked at him, he looked away.

This, like most things, unnerved Dipper to no end.

While he was restocking the shack, he stared at Bill, expecting him to say anything at any moment.

“So kid, I’m not one for playing silent treatment for very long.”

“Scraaagh!” Dipper jolted in surprise, almost dropping the snow globe he was putting on the shelf. After a second, he gathered his bearings and glared at the triangle.

“Ha!” Bill laughed. “I was GOING to say how I was grateful that you and your sister protected me from your raving mad Grunkle,” he snorted, “But now I’m worried I might give you a heart attack!”

Dipper narrowed his eyes. “Well not worried,” Bill corrected. “It’d be funny if you dropped dead right here. But I’d probably get blamed for that, wouldn’t I?”

“Why were you even giving me silent treatment?” Dipper blurted angrily.

“I told you NOT to stick me to this damn dream-catcher. And what did you do?” Bill rambled. “You don’t know how AGONIZING it is! I’ve got to give those people credit, they know a good torture. Make you waltz around your own memories, reliving the worst parts of your existence over and over again… it’s pretty impressive for a bunch of chumps.”

Dipper tilted his head in confusion before resigning to giving up that train of thought. “And were you also rearranging the stuff in the Shack?”

“Yes.” Bill said blankly. “I thought it was proper payback for attempting to kill me.” The triangle then paused for a moment. “But then again, I knew where the rat poison was. I could have just poisoned your Grunkles and got it over with.” When Dipper gave Bill a horrified look, he cackled madly, attracting a few heads. “Ah, you’re a riot kid. That would be COMPLETELY counterproductive.”

“Counterpro-?”

“Hey dude, everything all right?”

“Scraaagh!” Dipper jolted in surprise, almost dropping the snow globe he was putting on the shelf… again. Bill laughed.

“Woah woah, chill out.” Soos laughed nervously. “I’m just checking up on ya.” Soos looked over Dipper’s shoulder to where Bill was. “Is he finally talking?”

“Yes, Question Mark.” Bill replied blandly.

“Ha! Look at him now.” Soos said appreciatively. “We used to be out of our minds scared of this guy.” He rubbed the triangle’s surface, cooing. “Aww, look at his bow tie. You’re a dapper little thing, aren’t cha?”

“UGH! **SOMEONE GET THIS MAN AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I** **_TEAR HIM LIMB FROM LIMB!_ ** ” Soos jumped back, rubbing his hand.

“Ow. I think he just burnt my finger.”

“Ok, time out.” Dipper grumbled out angrily.

“Time out? TIME _OUT? I AM A INTER-DIMEN_ ** _SIONAL DEMON WITH UNLIMITED KNOWLEDGE OF EVERYTHING IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE! I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU KNOW! I’LL ENSLAVE YOUR CHILDREN AND FEED THEM TO MY EYE BATS FOR BREAKFAST!_ ** ” The triangle rambled on and on as Dipper sighed.

“Sorry, he’s just having a temper tantrum.” Dipper said sheepishly, walking away from the incredulous stares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Calm down, Bill.


	4. He'll Find A Way to Bother You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper and Bill "bond."

The following week that ensued had many instances that involved Bill causing a disturbance Dipper spent the most time with Bill because Mabel was especially unnerved by him.  
  
“Whenever I’m with him, he just stares at me!” She whined. “Bro, how did you get this buttface to even speak to you?” Dipper shrugged. He hadn’t been asking for any interaction.  
  
“It’s a taste of your own medicine.” Bill harrumphed upon questioning. “How do _you_ like it when you’re being stared at all of the time?”  
  
“Mabel didn’t stare at you though. And you actually talk to me.” Dipper retorted snarkily.  
  
“Details. It wouldn’t work as well if I stared at you. Gotta get you where you’re weakest.” At that, Dipper glared at the triangle before continuing to carry boxes inside the shack. Last time he’d ask him anything.  
  
But all the weird staring aside, Bill had constantly been making quips in the middle of work hours. Once, Mabel held a tour. _Once._  
  
“And this is the Socks-and-Sandals man! They say whenever you wear socks and sandals, his ghost comes out of this statue to haunt you with bad fashion choices! OooOOooOOo!”  
  
“He was also a serial child molester.” Everyone in the tour group went pale. Mabel grit her teeth but kept her smile wide and toothy.  
  
“Those were just SILLY allegations! He was proven innocent!”  
  
“Before the Almighty Creator, which is ME.” Suffice to say, Soos had to ban Bill from being anywhere near the tours and Mabel had to take some time off of Triangle Watch duty.

 ---  
  
“Pine Tree.” Dipper tried to ignore that annoying shrill voice and enjoy his book. He lifted the novel closer to his face.  
  
“Pine Tree.” Pay attention to the book.  
  
“You’re supposed to be watching me, Pine Tree. You can’t ignore me forever.” What could a small little triangle do while he wasn’t watching? Bill couldn’t even move any of his limbs!  
  
Dipper heard a small huff. “ ** _PINE TREE!_ ** ” The book tumbled out of the boy’s hands and Dipper tumbled off of the bed not a second afterward. He looked up and saw Bill’s lower eyelid curved upward in joy.  
  
“Has anyone ever told you you’re like a cat with how skittish you are?” Dipper puffed out his chest as his face annoyingly warmed up in embarrassment.  
  
“Whatever, Bill.” Dipper stood and flicked the triangle in the eyeball. “You keep forgetting that I went easy on you. I spared you from Grunkle Ford’s wrath.”  
  
“Yeah, you also subjected me to severe torture.” Came Bill’s deadpan reply. “This thing HURTS, kid! You wouldn’t like it if I stuck you onto a board with a rusty thumbtack, would you?” When Dipper was about to answer, Bill interrupted him. “My bad, I forgot you were into that sort of thing.”  
  
“You’re about to go back to timeout.” Dipper said testily. “You’re already on thin ice. We barely earned any money yesterday because you decided it’d be funny to drive away our customers.”  
  
“It’s not my fault meatsacks actually place worth in stupid green paper.” Bill spat.  
  
“Last warning, man.”

“I’m just telling the truth, Pine Tree. Your dumb meatsack values will gain you nothing in the end and nothing actually matters. Who cares about how much ‘money’ you earn? You’re all cogs in a machine and _our dumb government will use u_ ** _s to the bone_ **!”  
  
Dipper paused. Bill paused.  
  
“Dude.” The boy mumbled.  
  
“I would like to go to timeout now.” Dipper turned the triangle around to face the wall and he didn’t hear a peep from him until the next day.  
  
\---  
  
“What are you even reading?” Bill whined in boredom. “Is that one of your dumb human romance books?”  
  
“I’m a guy.” Dipper scoffed. “Guys don’t read those.”  
  
“You’d be surprised.” Bill answered. Dipper rolled his eyes and continued on reading. “Pine Tree, you didn’t answer my question.”  
  
“It’s called ‘Cryptids and Habitats’. And for your information, it’s interesting.” Dipper replied, showing the cover to Bill. “Thanks to you, I’m probably gonna spend this summer watching a _dumb triangle_ instead of going mystery hunting. Might as well read about them, regardless of how wrong some of this stuff is!”

Dipper pointed to a passage in the book. “Come on, Merpeople look nothing like this!” Huffing and slouching onto the bed frame, he flipped angrily through his book. In truth, it wasn’t as interesting as he was insisting earlier.  
  
“Tell me about it!” Bill added on. “It’d be funny how wrong some humans are about absolutely everything if it weren’t so pathetic!” He spat, rolling his eye in annoyance. “Why bother trying to figure anything out when you can make a deal with me to figure it out _for_ you? Ugh, mortals, am I right?”  
  
Dipper looked at Bill in confusion. “Are you implying I should ask you about cryptids?”  
  
Bill grew silent for a second. When he realized he was being quiet, he quickly made up for it. “Feh, yeah. Like I’d ever tell the kid who KILLED ME anything about ‘cryptids.’” Dipper’s eyebrow rose and he turned back to his book.  
  
Once Dipper finally regained his focus in the book, Bill broke it. “But SERIOUSLY! What’s your plan here, Pine Tree? Make me bored to death? Just saying that if I WOULD tell you anything, I’d have to be extremely bored. Just putting it out there.”  
  
Dipper felt a coil of sympathy for the triangle. It was clear that Bill was not enjoying this either. He briefly thought of ways to get him to shut up. “Maybe I can set up the TV for you and let you watch some shows. But you’ll have to promise to be quiet and let me read in peace.” Bill’s eye, which had been angrily glaring at him before, softened. He took a second to think about it.  
  
“Fine. I’ll watch some dumb human TV show.”

-

“Haha! Oh PINE TREE, LOOK AT THAT ONE! He’s JUST COWERING IN FEAR! HA!” Groaning, Dipper felt his chest coil with something else: regret.  
  
“Yeah, I can see him Bill.” It was strange how enamored the triangle was by NatGEO but hey, Dipper surely couldn’t judge. He liked to read books about a number of strange things. Everyone has their prefe - wait a second.  
  
Why was he actually tolerating how weird Bill was? Dipper accusingly glared at Bill, who paid no mind and instead opted to laugh about how red the inside of a zebra was. Yuck.  
  
“Oh man, human shows are a HOOT! I haven’t seen something this entertaining since Weirdmageddon!”  
  
Dipper gave Bill a confused look. “Really?”  
  
“Nah, that was way funnier. Especially the whole fearamid thing! But THIS is a close second.”

Dipper rolled his eyes; so much for tolerating.

\---  
  
“Yeep!” Bill chirped with a note of finality. “Honestly, that chump had no clue what was coming!” Looking to the side and curving up his lower eyelid, he finished with, “It was hilarious.”  
  
Dipper’s expression was a mixture of intrigue and disgust. “You are really a monster.” Bill hummed in response.  
  
“That insult really loses its punch after a while.” Dipper glared at Bill, who continued on as cheery as ever. “Hey Pine Tree? Why call me an isosceles nightmare? I am more ACUTE after all!”  
  
“That one was so bad.” Dipper groaned, slapping his hand on his face to hide a slight smile.  
  
“Don’t be so OBTUSE, Pine Tree.”  
  
“You’re pushing it Bill.”  
  
“Well sorry for triangle lighten the mood.”  
  
“Oh my god.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update and short chapter. Last chapter really wasn't up to par for me last time, so I lost motivation. But, I've since gotten it back. This chapter is short because I ran out of ideas and really wanted to put at least something up. I'll probably go ahead and rewrite this chapter one day.
> 
> Another reason however is that I just wanted to convey how weirdly compatible they can be. That's what drew me to the ship in the first place: how much potential they had for a great friendship and possibly good relationship. 
> 
> Try not to be fooled though. There is a conflict in this story. Prepare yourself. It won't be heart crushing, but I think the tone of this story will make it difficult to adjust to the change.


	5. He Loves to Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill is muted. He doesn't like this.

Ford tapped the glass and gave a smile in approval. “Yep, this thing is sealed shut.” Bill looked at the man disdainfully as he placed him down on the table.

“This container is the same type used to trap the rift,” Ford explained. Dipper leaned over the table and was visibly excited to hear his grunkle explain his cool science gizmo. Mabel was not as excited as her brother, but she kept poking the glass in curiosity, much to Bill’s chagrin.

“It also utilizes the same structures as those dreamcatchers do.” He handed it to Dipper. “I had to work fast because they can only work for so long, which he probably didn’t tell you,” Ford said with a disdainful tone. “But this should work for about a year. And I used some pretty tough glass, so it shouldn’t break like last time! This baby can withstand over 1,000 newtons of-”

“Ahem!” Stan cleared his throat, placing his hands on his hips. “Get this over with so we can get back to work! The sooner the better!” Ford rolled his eyes as he rose from his seat.

“Anyways, like I was saying,” Ford continued, casting a glance to his own twin, “this should be more convenient. Oh, and I almost forgot!” The grunkle snatched the globe-like-glass from Dipper’s hands and twisted it to one side, showcasing a black button. “There’s a mute button!”

Bill looked at Ford incredulously. “What do you mean a mute-”

“See? Handy.” Smiling at his work, he moved over to his brother. “Take care kids. I expect you guys to be responsible. You’re thirteen after all.” Mabel blinked at their grunkles in curiosity.

“Wait a minute, you’re leaving? But we just got here!” Mabel whined.

“We’re just going to pop over to the North Pole,” Stan responded. “We’ll be back in just a few days. And if you’re wondering why it’s about the damn triangle.” He grumbled, crossing his arms and glaring at Bill.

“An old friend of mine lives up there and he’s been studying magic theory for fifty years! He should know why Bill is here like… this.” Then Ford narrowed his eyes. “Or if he even is telling the truth anyway…” After a few seconds of Ford staring down the triangle, Grunkle Stan placed a reassuring hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“Right.” He mumbled. “Either way, you’ll be fine. Just try not to talk to him. We all know how extremely manipulative he can be.” While Bill looked flattered, Ford and Stan both opened up their arms for hugs and the twins quickly indulged on that offer.

“Soos will be here later to check up on you. In the meantime, try not to do anything I would do.” Stan said playfully. The door closed leaving the twins in a moment of silence. Mabel turned to her brother with a mischievous grin.

“So, Dip dop,” she started, “who’s gonna be in charge here?”

“Well,” Dipper said, regarding her obvious bait question with oblivious thought, “I guess we shou-”

“Alpha twin! Alpha twin!” Immediately, he was overwhelmed by a bright pink sweater and laughter wracked his body as Mabel relentlessly attacked his sides.

“Ma-mabel, stop! Hahaha! Grunkle! Grunkle!”

“The Alpha Twin shows no mercy even if you call Grunkle!” After a very fun tickle fight, the twins spent the rest of their day together, neglecting a small yellow triangle who looked on in strange curiosity.

\---

Mabel studied her scrapbook. “Where was that glue?” She mumbled to herself, messing with a loose photo. Her eyes fluttered about her bed, eyebrows creasing together. Her fingers brushed against scissors, beads, cans of glitter and other strange scrapbooking tools. Mabel was just about to give up her search and use tape instead when suddenly she realized she should check the night table or the floor. It might’ve fallen down while she wasn’t paying attention.

She turned to her night table where Bill was, back facing towards her.The glue bottle sat right next to him. She must’ve placed it there while she wasn’t paying attention. Mabel took the bottle and promptly fixed the photo, making sure it was nice and flat on the paper. However, Mabel couldn’t shake off feeling sort of... guilty?

She looked at Bill again and frowned. Maybe she really wasn’t cut out for Triangle Watch. Even though Ford warned against speaking to him, Mabel really wanted to. He wasn’t creepily staring at her today, so that must’ve meant something, right? Maybe he wasn’t mad at her today. For whatever reason he was mad before. Triangles were so complicated.

She tapped the glass and at first received no response. “Bill?” She tapped it again and the isosceles whipped around to face her, his eye narrowed in annoyance. He seemed to say something by the way he was energetically moving his arms. “Oh right,” Mabel muttered to herself, pressing the mute button.

“-rture beyond human comprehens-huh?” Bill gazed up at the girl with skepticism and hesitance. “Finally, someone decided to unmute me.” He grumbled.

Mabel shrugged. “You looked lonely!” She responded happily.

Bill narrowed his eye. “Star, dream demons don’t get lonely. I’m a demon incapable of stupid human emotions!” Mabel rose her eyebrow in question. “I was thinking. Just plotting diabolical schemes and the eventual downfall of humanity - like I always do.” Bill plopped back down and turned away from Mabel.

“Riiight.” Mabel nervously giggled in response. There was a pause for a moment. “Hey, do you want to scrapbook with me?”

“We both have a history of attempting to scar, torture, and dismember one another and now you suddenly want to scrapbook with me?”

“Yep.”

Bill’s lower eyelid quirked up as he gave her an approving thumbs up. “I like the way you think, kid. Let’s do this scrapbooking thing.”

\---

“And he let me watch this surprisingly interesting channel called NatGEO. Have you ever heard of it?”

“Well-”

“Haha, I’m JOKING. I KNOW you have!” A peal of loud shrill and annoying laughter escaped from the crack of the bedroom door. Dipper had been walking to it in the first place but he didn’t expect to hear something so absolutely irritating.

“Mabel?” Dipper called out questioningly. His sister responded by cheerfully turning to her twin.

“Hey, Dip-dop!” She lifted the scrapbook for Dipper to see. “Check out what Bill and I made!” Dipper tilted his head in confusion.

“You and Bill? Grunkle Ford told us to not speak to him, remember?”

“Psssh!” The ex-demon interjected. “Don’t hog me all to yourself, Pine Tree. There’s enough triangle to go around!”

Dipper looked unimpressed. “Riiiight. Anyway, do you want to come watch Duck-tective with me? There’s a marathon on after the new episode.” Mabel tapped her chin in thought.

“Sure!” She grabbed Bill’s container and walked over to Dipper.

“Wait, you’re bringing him?”

“Why not? I’m on Triangle Watch! And he’s a lonely little guy, isn’t he?” Mabel cooed. Her brother looked on in worry as he saw Bill grow increasingly irritated. Images of the Soos incident flashed back to him.

“Mabel, he’s eons old. Don’t talk to him like he’s a baby.” Dipper scolded.

“Then should I talk to him like this?” Mabel put on her best Donald Trump impression. “I’m gonna build a wall and make Mexico pay for it! I’m also gonna get a small loan of a million dollars. 7/11!” Dipper snickered.

“Yeah, that’s better.” He chuckled. Bill stared at him for a second before forcefully schooling his gaze away.

“If you’ll stop the DUMB sibling bonding,” the triangle spat. “I’d like to watch Duck-tective.” Dipper rolled his eyes.

“What’s the point of watching it if you already know what’s going to happen?”

“You could say the same about living but here I am!” Bill chirped in response.

Dipper looked at Mabel, who had a semi-horrified expression on her face. “You might want to put him on mute,” he deadpanned.

\---

The TV played in front of the twins as they eagerly awaited the newest episode. Bill sat back in his container, arms crossed and eye narrowed as he watched them talk.

So what if they put him on mute? Who cares? He didn’t.

...

But SERIOUSLY, he’s sooooo much older than them! What business do they have in silencing someone beyond their basic lackluster comprehension? Really?

…

Do you think someone will erupt into flames if you stare hard enough at them?

…

Apparently not.

Whatever. It’s not like he actually enjoyed talking to them. He was just trying to gather information and cozy up to them!

He wasn’t their friend or anything. Not at all.


End file.
